Monday, June 19, 2006

Palahniuk: "You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To be or not to be"


“Just remember, the same as a spectacular Vogue magazine, remember that no matter how close you follow the jumps: Continued on page whatever. No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matters. We're just warming up.”
- Chuck Palahniuk -

Friday, June 16, 2006

today's quote

Today's Quote:

“Arrogant powers are intended to make local and national economy of other states bankrupt to make more benefits from establishment of a big market."
-Mahmoud Ahmadinejad-

Gates' Shifting Priorities


Have you read today's newspapers? Read the ones online?
If so, then we all have learned that the richest man in the world, Mr. Gates, just announced his decision to 're-order' his life's priorities, that was shifting focus of his working-time at the Microsoft, and thus he would focus more (full-time) at the Charitable Foundation he had established with his wife, Melinda. This means the changing role within the giant software company, Microsoft. Alhough, the founder itself concluded that it didn't beckon as his retirement. This news should not come as a surprise as it had been rumoured before. Oh well..i will not talk about the Microsoft and the whole software thingy, let alone the impact of this decision to business world alike. Not my kind of know-how, i must admit. As random as i am, i would stay away from that unfathomable business thingy.


What catched my mind from the news i did read from different sources was the fact that he wanted to be more devoted to the social foundation to mending problems such as ills and health, particularly in developing countries. Although being criticized by many such as "cold and calculating brainiac", his intention this time sounded touchy. Well, it did touch me a bit, at least. He admitted that it was a tough decision and stated that both the Microsoft and the Foundation had their places at his heart: "I am very lucky to have two passions that i feel are so important and challenging"; yet he gratefully delivered that: "I believe with great wealth comes great responsibility - the responsibility to give back to society and make sure those resources are given back in the best possible way, to those in need". Can you imagine if all wealthy people in the world would ever think like that? Much much better... Well, whether his line was truly honest or not, but....Yes, that was the touchy part for me. It's touchy and inspiring... I'd love to see Mr. Gates' progress later on...

Thursday, June 15, 2006

differences and similarities


Differences and Similarities...
They merely are: components, fractions, & colors framing a feature.
The suitability is relative, sometimes subjective. The concluded truth is they can lead to conflict and/or harmony, while, at times, ignorance is not an exception. Whatever fitness they form, ill-suited or well-suited, it is subject to choices & decisions grounded by each angle.
It is yours to settle. Embrace? Abide? Adapt? Resist? or Ignore?. You can even runaway. But, bear in mind that you can't escape from such realities. Either they are truly real or biased ones.
This is the real world we live in. The world where nothing is objective, so long as the conviction comes from an individual's mind.
Pick the glasses and choose your lens!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Question No.18

18. If you have a song written about you, who would you want to compose it, who would perform it, and what would it be called?
* Him. For composing and performing. the piece with a dash of sustained tappings on the tools, a pinch of his up and down blows of the instrument, & a bunch of meaningful melody; wrapped in a repeatedly bewildering harmony. No title & lyrics needed. Let the music speak for itself...

Sunday, June 11, 2006

just a thought



It's been days since the last posting. Well..when i did create this blog, I figured out that i wouldn't write a post everyday. That's just...not me. Though I've got many things in mind to pour out my inner thoughts into a writing. BUT...My thoughts are random. My likes are random. What's more, my mood changes randomly. I decided to write everytime i want. Whenever i feel to write.

Many things have happened. Many things I've experienced for the past few days. Many things I've contemplated and called to mind. Some are questions. Some are answers. Some are meaningless thoughts. Yes, my brain just can't stop working. It won't stop even when i sleep. Even when I'm too tired to think.

Anyone ever think how our brain stimulates? Ah well, the answer would be a scientific one. Ask the experts of anatomy, they will explain it. Yes, those scientists. And...those scientists who fathom the works of our brain have been evoked by the works of their brain as well. The impetus that drives their scientific research.

I was thinking, once, and visualizing about how those thoughts were brought into existence in our brain. And, thus, they produced effect(s) and shaped our behavior in our action; our choices in life. In In my imagination, they emerged, walked around the parts of the brain, and thereafter tried to find their shelter within. They, then, met other thoughts, compiled together, and aimed to be the impetus of our own mind. Which thought would achieve to be the most important one? Which one would be the strongest compulsion that drove the function (sanity or insanity) of our minds?. Each one walked,and ran. Swimming around in our brain afterwards. Pushing it. Competing to each other. Albeit, each filled our brain, possessed its place within, no matter what level or priority it was in. They eventually developed human's deeds.

Ah well, that was just another complicated random thought of mine. Don't be surprised. I do things like that. My random curiosities drive me to.

So... Here's a thought. I've been discussing this with a good friend. In choosing a partner and deciding a person that we're interested in, Is it 'differences' or 'similarities' that attracts us?. He thought that he'd prefer similarities better. While i argued that different characters would be acceptable and would do; but the similarities lied in interests. What do you think?

I'm sure there is another thought regarding that question being born in your brain and causing you to think, to decide....which one?
So, I'm just going to leave it to you then... I'm sure each answer will be different. You know why? Because each of us is different to each other... ;)


*thanks to Mark for the inspiration :)

#The illustration: a creative block by Astrid Atihuta (Amy) - http://www.astridatihuta.com/

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

a piece of mind


In a manner of speaking and in a manner of writing. There are differences in their being. Some easily write better than they do speaking. As some echo that semantics is much more mesmerising.

As for speaking, it is easy to both lying and denying. While rhyming is intriguing in writing. Yes, write, if you want to, there's nothing like trying. Who knows what a treasure your works may hold? I'll show you that rhyming is as easy as lying, by listening to (reading) the art I unfold. To reveal the hidden feeling that is untold.

There's a book full of words & phrases. One can choose as he fancies: as a politician his speech, as a painter his tint, as a journalist his articles, and a scientist his lab. All the poems and stories and plays and feelings and romances and memories were drawn out of this. Just: Think! – So did Simon Blackburn name a book that wasn’t full of rubbish. So the brain would not easy to cease.

Like the fish from a sea, you can wander at will through its syllabled mazes; and take all you want, visualize all you conceive, not a copper they cost. What is there to hinder your picking out phrases and truisms; For an epic as clever as 'Braveheart'? Don't mind if the manifestation of sense is at zero. Use words that run smoothly, employ idioms that fit flawlessly. Whatever they mean, they are much the same things in the rhyming machine. The illuminations of what’s reflected.

There are words so delicious their sweetness will smother. There is 'lush' is a good one, and 'swirl' is another. Put both in one verse, its meaning is either definable or dubious, its fortune is made.

With infectious glances, musical murmurs, and rhythmical closes, you can cheat me of smiles when you've nothing to tell. As for the unreadable expressions, perhaps you will answer all needful conditions. For winning the glory to which you aspire, for smarting the mind left with questions, by cutting the tails of the two prepositions, the articulated writer you are so greatly endowed.

As for subjects of verse, they are only too plenty. For ringing the changes on musical chimes, you can reel off a song without knitting your brow; for critically observing the veracity on brilliantly decorated wrapping, as lightly as Picasso a drawing or etching. It is nothing at all, if you only know how. And you do, genuinely.

Well, imagine you've printed your volume of verses: Your forehead is wreathed with the praising honors; your walk is induced with the garland of fame; the look remains unreadable but is read everywhere. Of course you're delighted to serve the committees that come with requests from the country all round. You would grace the occasion with poems, speeches, smiles, and songs. When they've got a new schoolhouse, or poorhouse, or pound. With a chant for the saints and a song for the sinners, you go and are welcome wherever you please; you're a privileged guest at all manner of dinners, you hold the license to revealing the sarcasms at no cost, you've a seat on the platform among the grandees, you taste the liberty to play any instruments in any genre. Perceiving a case from only one point would be tolerated, how subjective it is. At length your mere presence becomes a sensation; your goblet of enjoyment is filled to its brim.

No will of your own with its puny compulsion can summon the spirit that quickens the lyre. It comes, if at all, like the Sibyl's convulsion; and touches the brain with a finger of blaze; stroking a heart with a striking melody and lyrics. Hitting or blowing your instruments, you shall do.

So perhaps, after all, it's as well to be quiet if you've nothing you think is worth saying in prose: as to the critics, by publishing, as you propose; as to the tunes, by playing, as you perform.

But it's all of no use, and I'm sorry I've written. I shall see your thin volumes some day on my shelf just to evoke the remembrance of them. Or, perhaps, to know-how the jittering mind by seeing the new ones, if it’s possible. The collective compositions of a free-adventurous genre, they are. The ones that have stimulated a port of call, if yours would consider so. It takes time to understand, while conversely, it only took a jiffy to deeply penetrating a frigid part of mind. For the rhyming words in memories surely has bitten, for the brilliant glance, the dense jungle, and the infectious demeanor, they surely have spelled the effects. Making the desires want not to stop for less. In the future, too, they may only want the best. But the desires have been awakened from their very long sleep, the consciously unconsciousness. They solely appreciate the awakener for that.

Worrying is not needed. The little inner world will be endowed itself toughly, as it has always been, yet it is no longer rigid. It will even be more robust and more vigorous than one can reckon. As to one, another's air is hard to hypothesize and to beckon. As the skin might look softer before you touch; and a little fish in a big sea can always survive swimming against the stream to find its porch.

Some stories would be better untold. Some questions remain unanswered. Some fondness is preferably left to unfold. Some affection is best unstated. As for some, speaking is grueling hatred. And thus, I leave the battle, to yield before to be conquered. Akin to the story, as it started like a ghost, I shall put down the weapon and the bonnet to depart without a sound. Watching the soldier enthusiastically walking away to continue advancing his adventure of articulation and beyond.

You are the paradisiacal picture of a sailor. And music must cure you - as it does to me - so pipe it yourself, hit and blow it with your color. And words must satisfy you so write them thoroughly. I shall only bethink and, at times, reminisce as I’ve finally come to my serenity. It welcomes me and opens the door letting me in. Thus, I have made my peace with a smile within. The peace attained without winning the battle. But it has reminded me to revive. Because, once again, I survive...

*the picture above is a beautiful canal i saw when visiting the city of Brugge, Belgium.

Know-how



Riding on this know-how. Never been here before. Peculiarly entrusted. Possibly that's all. Is history recorded? Does someone have a tape? Surely I'm no pioneer. Constellations stay the same. Just a little bit of danger, when intriguingly, our little secret trusts that you trust me. Cause no one will ever know that this was happening. So tell me why you listen when nobody's talking. What is there to know? All this is what it is. You and me alone. Sheer simplicity.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Today's quote

"I've found you've got to look back at the old things and see them in a new light"

-John Coltrane

A Letter to Dad



Dear Dad...
In the light of the upcoming Father's day, i feel the need to express how grateful i am to have you.

Dear Dad...
You've given me everything. Including showing me how beautiful this life is. But, what's more: you've taught me so many things. Lessons that i've been learning from you. Lessons that i'll be carrying and keeping in mind for the rest of my life. Lessons that money can't buy. Lessons that not everyone can experience. Lessons that can not be bought, nor can i repay you even for a billion bucks. Since they are many.. And they are priceless.
I call them one too many
Treasures. Treasures that i would carry with me for the rest of my life. One too many that i can't even count each one with my own 10 fingers. One too many that even a thank you won't be enough to give to you.

Dear Dad...
I randomly found a poem. a perfect one for you.
"God took the strength of a mountain, the majesty of a tree, the warmth of a summer sun, the calm of a quiet sea, the generous soul of nature, the comforting arm of night, the wisdom of ages, the power of the eagle's flight, the joy of a morning in spring, the faith of a mustard seed, the patience of eternity, the depth of a family need. Then god combines these qualities, when there was nothing more to add, He knew his masterpiece was complete. And so, He called it...DAD."

Dear Dad...
You've shown me that a father is not merely a dad. Dad means so many things. Dad can be a father, an advisor, a listener, a teacher, a supporter, a best friend, a shelter through all the rain, a savior, a shield from the storm, a love to keep me safe and warm, a truth that will never change. The one i can rely on through anything. The one who i always turn to. The life-time inspiration...
For me...you're all of those things. And i thank you for that.

So, Dad...
I carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart). I'm never without it.
(E. E. Cummings).

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Friday, June 02, 2006

dear Mr. Gilpin and Mr. Cox

I've been having this thinking since last week. But i haven't got a chance to reveal it on the IPE exam. the comparative kind of question didn't come up.


Dear Mr. Gilpin,

Albeit it's weird. I want to express my admiration and appreciation to your own thinking. Not in the way Mr. Cox and other Neo-Gramscianists do. I would admit that I've been interested in your perpectives since i read your 1987's book and the corrected later one, the 2001's one that is. I admire the way you conceded your mistakes due to historical processes, and offered the whole new thinkings. Together with your wise but diplomatical-sensible anwer to Mr. Cox's critics. Bethinking me of the way Mr. Einstein did in his letter responding to the critics adressed to him. Notwithstanding you both had different styles.

All in all, you had offered a complete new set of thoughts of the contemporary world of political economy. The encroachment of both. Perceiving the world as it was. Offering the problem-solving theories. You didn't appropriately neglect every little aspect as Mr. Cox accused you. But, you just didn't EMPHASIZE it the way Mr. Cox did.

Hence, I admire you for that.
Respectively,
-me-

Dear Mr. Cox,

I wouldn't say i don't appreciate your perspectives. I admire your efforts. Although, they are way too complex and multifaceted to comprise. It seemed like you tried to confine all aspects with no significant boundary. But i do agree with you that "theory does follow history". Thus, theory creates tendency. And you alleged that all those aspects, i.e. human's behaviors and their ideas, were what developed history. But, have you ever thought what's brought about those aspects (behavioral and ideational ones)? tendencies, aren't they? If so, then we're back to square one. tendency is the roots of all things. It seems like deciding which comes first, egg or chicken? tendency or history?. Beyond that, do you think by examining the cause of the realities evolving around us would give solutions? For me, it sounds like a backward-thinking. Instead of look forward to solve the problems, you sought to look back to what causing the problems.
Mind me, Mr. Cox...the problems wouldn't be solved by examining the grounds. They're taken into account to solve the problem. But not the way you appraised it. Acknowledge the reality as what it is. Use the cause to examine, allright, but more importantly, put your priority to deal with the problem-solving motion by look forward.

Having said that, I remain appreciating of what you did. You're brilliant. It's just, people need more original perspectives. Not the one that's based on critisizing another existing perspectives. But again, you're brilliant. That's the reason you've been acknowledged in the study of IPE. Salute!

Sincerely,
-me-


So...my connclusion would be
(gosh..that reminds me of Nicki Smith with her: "don't forget to build a good introduction explaining your answer, why it's important, discuss all the debates, and build a good conclusion of what you're written...pretty much the summary from the beginning of your essay, just copy and paste them, to save your time... Allright Nicki, you know we have words limit, don't you? and why would we repeat the same things while we can develop better sentences in the conclusion? and what's with mentioning the debates all the time?)

Where was i? Oh yea...conclusion. It's interesting that we have different thoughts in the world. So many different colors. Black, blue, white, grey, green, red. Mr. Gilpin or Mr. Cox...Each is different human beings with different ways of thinking. Albeit, they've brought colors to IPE, if not politics. I regard them, and appreciate them as well.

My opinion would be a bit subjective, as i think nothing is completely objective in this world. When it comes to one's thinking, how objective it is, it still has a subjective part within. Because one thought has its own way compared to another.
And..yeah, pretty much that's all!

to be or not to be, that's no longer the question

okay... i'm not trying to mock Mr. Shakespeare himself right there. It's just the exact words to reflect the situation now.

I was asking myself: "what kind of blog i want to have?" A serious one consists of articles in politics and world affairs? A kind of my daily journal?. Ah well.. Being an extremely easily distracted (by random things) person that I am, so i decided that this blog would be exactly like that. Full of randomness... Yea, that's what it's gonna be.

Allright...back to the situation. (See? already got distracted! so easy!).
This is a circumstance i've been experiencing, the one i've put myself into, involving the feeling i've been dealing with. The case of "Losing your mind for the sake of your heart", that is.


The significant person related to this is not a perfect guy. Yet, he's got (almost) everything i've been looking for in a guy. the almost complete package. Physically, quality, capability, and the 'succesfully-making-me-feel-the roller coaster-emotion' kind of ability. He's brought back the excitement kind of feeling that i had lost for more than a year. He's unintentionally reduced the cynic in me. My contempt over love or something like that.
I was astounded by the fact, at first.

Am i being cheesy-corny there? Nahh... Knowing myself, it's like almost impossible for me. I'm just being brutally honest here. Yea...that's me.

At first, i was like: "is it real? is it just a fling? does he really like me? where's this going?" But then...I ruined it!. My stupidity has had to pay the price. And i'm still paying it now. The cruel reward of being honest. Something i'd never done when it comes to a guy i like. Should i haven't done the 'stupid' deed, would it have been different? I have no idea. But the very question has been haunting me for months.

He's leaving in less than a month. Yet, i remain unsure. I haven't got the answer. Albeit, i've killed my hopes. "to be or not be, that's no longer the question".

I want the answer. The truth and nothing but the truth. The answer of what it was. What exactly he feels (or 'felt'??)
Weirdly...the answer came to me through my dream. Yea i know, that's hardly the answer. Who would think a dream means a real thing??? almost inconceivably...


Twist
Before you go and leave this town.
I want to see you one more time.
Fight me, try me.
Kiss me like you like me.
Twist it around again and again..

Yea... that's what i really want. so now, the question would be:
"to know, or not to know....that's the Question"
Period.


Finally...

I promised myself yonks ago (oh well, not that long...only about 3 months, i guess) that i'd create blog or something like that as soon as i submitted all the courseworks. The idea was due to a thought that as i had been writing quite a lot (either useless, pointless, or meaningful), but all i did was just kept them safely on my laptop. "So why not writing them in a blog?"

Anyways...
All essays had been submitted, and the after essays' euphoria made me forgetting my own promise. Then came the exams' pressure...i forgot it all once again.


They've all gone now... My brain is still tired of being 'squezeed' by those modules. But i found my self having nothing to do (oh well, the dissertation's research doesn't really push me to think as hard as exams did). And i suddenly remembered about creating this blog. So there...i just did. This is my opening posts

Finally...